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i rote this for you

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2014.08.05  23.39
Shuffled In this Order Songs From iTunes


  1. “John Hardy Was a Desperate Little Man” Carter Family

  2. “Protection” Suburban Lawns

  3. “Jody’s Freeze” James Reese & the Progressions

  4. "Janitor" Suburban Lawns

  5. "Li$ten 2 the Grrrls" Ssion

  6. "Moonage Daydream" David Bowie

  7. "Heartache By the Numbers" Dwight Yoakam

  8. "Dark Fantasy" Kanye West

  9. "Outside the Wall" Pink Floyd

  10. "Trespasser" Bad Medicine

  11. "Muchachita del Oriente" Los Mirlos

  12. "Dung Hat Tinh Ca Du Muc Nua" Tran Thu Ha



 
 

(reticent)



 
  2014.08.05  23.19
Shuffled In this Order Songs From iTunes


  1. “Helplessly Hoping” CS&N

  2. “Boogie On Reggae Woman” Stevie Wonder

  3. “Dirty Hands” Black Lips

  4. “Cat People” David Bowie

  5. “Capsize” Karen O. & the Kids

  6. “Six Gnossiennes (1889-97): Gnossienne No.6” Roland Pontinen playing Erik Satie

  7. “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again” Carpenters

  8. “Let the Groove Get In” Justin Timberlake

  9. “Eastern Winds and Flutes (from ‘Massage Flutes’)” Native Flute Ensemble

  10. “Superpower” Beyonce

  11. “Here, My Dear” Marvin Gaye

  12. “Horses in My Dreams” PJ Harvey



 
 

(reticent)



 
  2014.04.06  11.19
Shuffled In this Order Songs From iTunes

1. "Let's Take a Ride," J. Timberlake
2. "Look What You've Done," Drake
3. "Turning Backs," Vashti Bunyan
4. "Guinnevere," Crosby, Still & Nash
5. "Les & Ray," Le Tigre
6. "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues," Bob Dylan
7. "Te Recuerdo Amanda," Victor Jara
8. "Blood on the Leaves," Kanye West
9. "Do What You Will," Papercuts
10. "Figuracion," Almendra

Bonus: "Sorrow, Tears & Blood," Fela Kuti

 
 

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  2013.08.06  21.04
My ipod played these in this order:

o1. "I Kept On Loving You," The Carpenters
o2. "Feeling of Gaze," Hope Sandoval
o3. "All the Sun That Shines," Peaking Lights
o4. "Shivers," Zola Jesus
o5. "Sextet (OO)," Moondogg
o6. "Criminal," the Roots
o7. "Blowin' Sky High," Berlin
o8. "My Melody," Erik B. and Rakim
o9. "Requiem Mass in D Minor, k. 626: VIII. Lacrimosa," London Philharmonic Orchestra
1o. "Shut it Down," Drake
11. "I Found That Essence Rare," Gang of Four

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.06.12  19.15
What It Look Like

The refrain in my brain is just "This is the stupidest shit, this is..."  Because it fucking is.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.06.12  17.57
The Way We Live Now

I'm so lazy. But even more so I'm accustomed to misery and acclimated to personal mediocrity and rebuffed agency.  Thus I option to stay.

That is why I stay, right?

A few years ago, when we were barely old enough to legally drink, we drove to Meeghan's wedding.  We stopped and bought vodka at the one Tobacco Outlet in our hometown.  You know its name.  The clerk was a fag I'd known carnally.  An older greyed guy, affable, nice.  He fetishized white trash rednecks and had given me a disc of porn with just that.  It destroyed my computer.  This was the early 00s, and I've always been behind technologically, so my tower was a real dinosaur.  No loss.

On our drive we listened to the CD Lost Wisdom by Mount Eerie.  I had just seen their concert, featuring Julie Doiron, at a popular synagogue in Madison, WI.  Nothing seemed so important.  The concert I'd attended with Riyadh, our friendship waning.  He was moving to LA.  I had already moved to the suburbs my new husband.  You had moved less west, but in with a man just the same.  Remember then?  Now we find ourselves wringing hands.  I don't know about you but I'm close to tears.

Now I'm listening to Lost Wisdom again.

The Way I Live Now:
"Who?" [thought]
"Flaming Home" [real]
"Grave Robbers" [forever]

 
 

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  2012.05.28  16.49


On Inside Edition they're talking about cinnamon.  I didn't know it, but the new meme's people forcing spoonfuls of cinnamon down their throat, reacting in various shades of choking and heaving.  It looks awful.  It looks like my day at work.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.22  11.34
HYPERBOLE

I'm sitting on the floor in my bedroom.  My back is against my full size bed, whose boxspring is right on the carpet.  The bottoms of my feet apply pressure to my brown dresser, with my knees highly bent and the laptop on my lap.  It's cozy.  My two windows, to my right, identical two panel windows, are fully open, screens filtering, plasticy dayglo yellow wind-up shades on wheels fully drawn.  Outside I hear constant chirping and cawing of birds and chittering of squirrels.  I hear my neighbors too.  Why is it these upstanding people, happy or unhappy but dutiful suburbanites are always home during the day, just like me, who's a slacker.  Are they slacking?  How do they afford their lives?  How do I afford my life?  It doesn't always come easy.  I bet they smell my smoke right now. 

I hate myself.

UGH.  I want the birds to carry me away.  Sacrifice me to some crows.  But having my eyes pecked out, while right now the most appropriate punishment/relief, would really hurt. 

I am so boring and this is so boring.  I have a lot of inner turmoil.  I really can't say a thing about it though.  It's so scary.  I am so heavy with dread.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.21  08.35


I came home, and felt so low, and laid around in wait, for the man I wanted to see least.

I thought about things.

I made a few appointments.

Because the man's sick in his head.  And it's not going to end well, I am sure.


I can't stop playing "Skip a Rope."  It makes me want to cry.  I want to claw at my jelly flesh.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.16  20.11


I gots all As in mi clases.  Shit's alright.  I'm still miserable.  But I'm going on a roadtrip with a girlfriend.  This weekend, we hit up the great state of MI.  Shit's gonna be crazy.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.15  21.31


She likes weather. She's an official weather predictor. She's a mom I know.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.15  16.35


I hear thunder.  Storms are rollin' in.

I'm almost done.  Almost.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.14  10.25


I've felt better.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.10  12.54


I have two finals today.  Then I have to write a skit with some groupmates.  Then I think I'm going out.  Alone, so that things can happen.

I'm afraid to write, say, do anything that offends him.

I hate this life.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.08  21.54


I wish I was dead.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.06  17.34
JAZZ

farl
ail
hm
hone
wo
waxy
clang
ghosty
jete
mite
neb
owl
lis
libs
lo
dos
mealier
fifers
pah
ah
chi
qis
fame
faked
mu
ton
nudge
eluvia
hijab
haj
hon
dinge
recite
dex
dud
floury
toxins
venal
icing
labia
death
fido
grouse
llamas
joy
vertigos
daze
lag
gasp
pith
winters
pones
solve
mu
so
rhea
pewter
reeve
agaze
breech
jam
snivel

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.05.04  15.58


Right now I am bursting with happiness.  And all I'm doing is sitting on the teal carpeted floor, tapping keys, hitting the ganj, reading about stuff, thinking about stuff.  I love so much to be alone with books, websites, songs, thoughts.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.29  19.45
DHOLE

"Hikikomori," by Zola Jesus.

Tus complaints, disapproval, glances
like mine
are incorrigible.

Tan frecuentemente,
yo no sé como hacer
yo no sé como reaccionar a ti.

Now, "A Night On the Bare Mountain."

Despite mi hikikomori tipo de personalidad, yo y mis amigos Genva y Dope Flake fuimos a un
espectáculo de teatro que Magda, mi maestra de español, había adaptado y dirigido.

"Ixode," Zola Jesus.

Ella era de WI.


Shuck sticks.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.29  19.19


Goddamn harpsichord is beautiful.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.29  18.48


All I wanna do is watch The Future and I can't and it's pissing me off.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.27  10.38
THINGS TO DO

ME
-study for final
-make a timeline of Euro & Am 1700+
-delineate mvmts
-1/2 hr a day!!
Español
-write essay
-ch. 18 tarea
-study
-practice verb conjs
-learn ch. 18 vocab
-1 hr a day!!
Exercise
-walk
-lift weights
-sit ups/push ups
-1 hr a day!!
Clean
-my bedrm
-laundry
-tv rm
-1/2 hr every day!!
Plants/Garden
-water
-every other day!!


I'm probably like a lot of other people in that I really do need to sit and write this kind of shit out, both to get my bearings and shame myself into activity.  And it never really works anyways.  But I'll get 1/2 way there.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.27  08.47


Whenever I eat a lot of ice cream late at night my tummy is so active and angry the next morning.  Why?

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.22  17.24


I've poured a cranberry and Svedka.  I love the deep crystalline red.

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.22  11.58
JAZZ

kir waste
throngs zag
sox pairs
covey ort vines
blade jut
hasty aha

thulia geisha
impings mind trot yet
truant slate
oocyte joeys grew

axils be call joy
smug god used

faerie maw
never open aegis
hover joy

awed corgis
riff irony
vital bendy zeros
clots

ghosty shores clang
waxy axe
vague winters sync woe

 
 

(reticent)



 
  2012.04.21  21.00
MIXTAPES FOR ME & JENVA'S BIG DRIVE TO MI

A SIDE
"Normal Song" Perfume Genius
"Carmina Burana" Carl Orff
"La fille aux cheveux de lin" Claude Debussy
"Driving Wheel" Albert King
"Everything is Free" Gillian Welch
"Young, Wild & Free" Snoop Dogg & Wiz Kalifa
"I Can't See Nobody" Nina Simone
"Tout Bleu" DAT Politics
"Slip Away" David Bowie
"At Home He's a Tourist" Gang of Four

 
 

(reticent)



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